CAlifornia Pizza Kitchen.

I went there for lunch. My pizza. CAme out cold. I brought it up to the counter. "Cold." Fix.

Brought it out again. Cold. d.

I almost fucking lost it. I told the waitress LIzzy from HOllywood, we are not paying for the meal. AT all.

I snatched the bill out of my stepfather's hand.

I embarrassed my stepfather. I had to walk out.

If I waas with someone else, I would have demanded that no one paid for anything. Bullshit. Bad service. Unusually so.

Everytime I go into Big Sky, excellent. Every time. d. Food. Always good. Worth the money.

I've never done anything like that.

While I was leaving downtown sLO, someone in a wheelchair called me "smiley."

I just wanted to be left alone, no pet names, and a car. A really fast car. No plates.

I called my stepfather and told him it was about the FBI deal, how he wouldn't back me up, this call was 20 years too late, he had never backed me up my whole life. I cried after I hung up. d. Just on the sidewalk, out of place. Crying. a. IN public.

I couldn't make it all the way out, so I hung out at a bus stop. WAtching traffic. For him. Is that car him? Is he hiding his face? Does he work somewhere else? Is he paid to watch me? Does he just do it sometimes to check in on me? Is that him there? NO. d. He could be there. NO. d. Does he love me or was he just assigned? All the technology in the world, and I only wonder about one thing.

Even more than pizza. d. MOre than my family situation.

When I was at Ridgecrest Rite Aid, that was proof. Look-A-LIke. He never existed.

The "RAndy's" are now all mean. All of them. They have a script. They say things just to be mean. "I can't take your issues." d. They are just there to pause, and tear down. d. Why? That's the key for me. I don't know yet. Everyone wants a link to the outside world, and "Randy" is it. YOu find the puzzle box, you don't need "RAndy." YOu have the Master Key. YOu are unbreakable.

"RAndy" dumped me today. All of them. Probably for reasons I won't know until later. This may be temporary, this may be permanent. I don't know that either. What I do know, they're all mean. They act, they don't act, it's all mean. NOne of them were ever my friend. That means that Morpheus was never my lover in the sense that he was never my love. YOu can still love a person who doesn't love you. YOu can love him a lot. YOu can love him every day. He can send you coded messages every day that he loves you back when you don't believe it to be true. He can be Rod, even though he's not Rod. d.

There is a meanness in the "RAndy's" all of them and a hatred that is real. YOu can't fake that shit. YOu can't buy it, you can't loan it. d. d.

MOrpheus over the phone was lying. To me. He could have been someone else. Hacked voice. But I don't think so since the phone call was cut off.

I feel like I won another round, but lost another war. Because you can think, someone is borrowing Morpheus's lines, pretending to be "RAndy" and not really either--or you can just think the easiest thing. MOrpheus never loved me. Hence why he never showed up, he never called. He was never there. He's letting me drown.

The aliens know, knowledge and all, paranoia and all, I won't go back. Short of a miracle of god and all, and god doesn't do those sorts of miracles. NO.

The General has MOrpheus's depth and pace of voice. They are the same. YOu could be you. However, no one cares nor acts upon information. All "RAndy's" are mean. All have done and said the similar.

They are trying to squeeze me harder. IN any way they can. "Randy" is just one way. But they are all going along with it. From the more powerful one to the less. This isn't me against one or two, this is me against now all of them. Did I make it so? I must have. Want to say it's me and my mental illness? This isn't the 1950's, asshole. This is 2011. a. Things are different.