Note

Parts of this blog have been fictionalized. 9. As it was created through the halls of the mind in the grasp of psychosis.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Lovre Bites

The threat of death is greater than the death itself.

'yeah because then you're dead' came a reply.

no .

The point being that the anxiety over the supposed immediate death ruins the quality of life while waiting to die, which is unavoidable. People keep reminding me I'm going to die. I go to the authorities, who cannot or will not help me. Nothing can be done. Yet, the threat is still there. Daily. YOu will die, from those who wish me harm and those who do not.

c. i.o.o.

The reminder "you are going to die" feeds into the overall sadism no matter who it is coming from. YOu have to back it up by action. YOu are going to die, I am here to help you . WE do this. I have a plan. WE are in action, taking steps.

x

Evolutionary-wise, we are blind to our own deaths. I spent a few months, running around to exhaustion over the likelihood of mine ending. no. NOw? It's supposed to be suicide. no. o. 4. NO one is going to die. d. x. AT times, I want to die. But I want to catch criminals more. That's the whole truth. I pushed my friends away, x, and certain family members away at expense, and I want to accomplish this goal.

Even doing that, even starting a criminal investigation, will never give me back the things, the people and the relationships I've lost. i. It doesn't for anyone. It won't fix the shitty life I had before this mess started. d.


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