For me, theories were easy to come by, but reality sticks. Things happened for now what seems to be no apparent reason because I'm tired of digging myself into an early grave, a pursuit that is not only joyless but also tiring and redundant. You run out of the creativity that drives madness, all that is left is bones.

No one likes me much anymore either. Whether it's because they initially thought I was nuts or they later decided because the concepts got too bizarre even for them. The only thing I have going for me is that I laugh at myself, a quality that everyone else seems to lack.

Deep down, I don't like myself lately. No one wants to leave five drunk messages on his/her ex's phone, delusional or not. No one likes screaming and yelling and throwing things. Speeding excessively. Or provoking people into assault. It's just not sane. Doing it knowingly? Smart or really stupid/

I'm on the fence myself.