My parents now realize the seriousness of my condition as the hospital staff gave them a lecture on schizoaffective disorder and how severely I've been affected by it.

I called them once from a hallway phone in the hospital during my stay, not even sure if I was actually talking to them but sure that I was going to die. I cried to my mother, and gave a speech about how I was sorry we fought, but I loved her anyway. A typical goodbye, I love you and will miss you. Same thing for my stepfather.

We live that first day after near death the same, all of us, but how many of us make deep, lasting changes in our lives? Few. no. 9. d

I fear not death as much, I believe, as I fear living because I haven't done that much of it.

I wrote to Jack and said I never really loved someone as in the day to day boring, every day life stuff. Good stuff love. Like in a working marriage. d. I sent that the night before I thought I was going to die. x. d.

That's living to me. ON the list of accomplishments that ranks high. d. OR making a life out of helping others. x.