But I never died. And I kept waking up each other. d

EAch morning at the hospital, grateful to be alive. NO one had swallowed me whole yet. No one had typed in a code to suffocate me in my sleep. d. Slow my breathing more and more until I just cease to be. nO. It never happened. I was still me, scared of everything, sipping my fake, decaf coffee and afraid to do anything. Sometimes I paced the hall, in front of the shower room, sometimes I just laid in bed, sometimes I stared out the window. But I was still me, the strongest "you," and that was victory. NO one could question that. Who cared if I hadn't bathed in how many days? I didn't care yet.

I finally told a nurse about my secret curse. I was to die in the shower room.

She said to me, not even looking at me, "Now, does that sound rational?" Even bored. Like she got this one a lot.

I didn't respond. I could die in there. I was planning it. Death. NO mas. You know about death? I don't believe in an afterlife!

I got my towels in shame. d.