Wish I could go back in time, and do things over again. Wise people don't live with regret, not because they didn't fuck shit up too, but because they know that regret is worthless. sigh.

My self-esteem is at an all-time low. d. Sitting on the couch, finish off a pint of Ben&Jerry's--even though I'm at my thinnest in six years--thanks to the hunger (side effect) of Zyprexa creeping up on me. I'm in PJ's, underneath a blanket. I've been here all day. I hear myself, the cog's, "No one likes me," etc, and I know. It's bad Lacey days lined up. I fight them back, or I let them go. They are not voices, but just me. "I'm going to get fat on Zyprexa..." ETc. "No one will want to fuck me fat." ETc. The trials of being mentally ill. "He won't forgive me..." ETc. d.

The evenings are the worst for me depression-wise. d. My mood dips the lowest. Everything becomes a terrible problem needing to be fixed now, or everything was a terrible problem that we cannot fix, and hence must suffer through now. O. Forever. d. d. Latter seems to be the case more often than not. NO. d. d.

I am not the person I once was. d. Depression has stolen my life. Psychotic symptoms have done worse.