I only [want]
I only went to the shower once with the intention of "hanging myself." I got to the door, and turned away. o. Ridiculous. I couldn't hang. I hated hanging. The idea. Just standing there. d. Waiting. d
Suspended. d.
I decided any way but that. I had my towels in my hand, and went back to my room.
I kept visualizing, if I kept myself together through the torture of the voices, I could get some morphine pills when I was out and back home, and go peacefully. The best out in the world. NO. d.4. OD.
Now that I'm home, I realize that wasn't the fight at all. It was not dying in any fashion. d.o.o.
The battle still rages. d.o.
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