The Life In Full

Just to feel normal again, what would you trade?

This is an easy, a lot. 9.

The voices remind me of my brushes with death (my attempt of August 20, 2008 and then my accidental OD in October of 2009).

I'm reminded of my silly, early teenage promise to commit suicide at age thirty.

Predictably, I hitting the mountain of wisdom that says, thirty is young. no8. dx. There is so much left to do. I have my degree left to get, and the graduate degree after that. I have a book to write.

If I never fall in love again, ever, I consider myself still lucky in love as I have felt deep passion and attachment, and will not go to the grave missing out on anything as far as "in love."

What have I missed? A genuine, true, loyal companion. 89. Someone who shares books, hugs, life, tolerates my moods, bad cooking and housekeeping, who is there every day.

In this sense, I could marry for a companion and not for the passion and you could say that at some point in my life, I've had it all. i.

I am being reasonable. 9.

I think of that more and more as I think of sex (the act) less and less. Trauma of psychosis aged me fifteen years.

I could find a guy who holds conversation and my hand, and never be in love, and live fully. 9

Would I ever be fully happy?

Didn't the Morpheus voice go away? Didn't he disappear?

Could I be in love with a distant man who I never see, and live this kind of mature, bookish life?

I almost see it happening, walking the fine line I have to for my own health, knowing I was passionate once. I dared on illness so I could be fully in love. d

I dared on pain to be in love.

I dared on destruction to be in love.

I was brave.

And then those times ended. d