On Being Ordinary, Part II

Is it grandiose even to ask: am I meant for better and greater things, if it only means to give back to this earth?

Will life hold any significant meaning?

Or will I always struggle to apply justice?

To me now, life is life. It is meaningless because there is no "God" to give it meaning. WE make our own meaning as individuals whatever that is to us as creatures of biopsychology. Greater good is determined in actuality by others. You can be a great friend, a great spouse, a great parent--this collects into making you a great person, but still "ordinary" by social standards. For instance, you, this great person, never won the NObel PRize or became famous.

Then, sometimes "ordinary" is still just plain "ordinary" as you did not contribute any value back to society. Perhaps you were even harmful at times.

Faced with death everyone wants to have done more. Face with death at twenty-eight years old, I realized what I had done enough of--

LIfe had filled me with plenty of experiences already. I had felt no ordinary amount of passionate love. I need not to ever fall in love again. I knew the sensation, felt the consequences of it. I could live without it for the rest of my life.

LIfe had filled me with plenty of dangerous, impersonal sex. The other end of the spectrum and the scale.

And yet, at twenty-eight, my life was horribly empty of many things. I never talked back to the voices as they were intent on killing me. I never cried. I never whined or begged for my life. But I noticed. I still had things in life that I wanted at twenty-eight. My life was ordinary in both sense of the word. What had I contributed to society?

What had I given back to my fellow citizens?

I have a rule. IF I have a dollar in my wallet and I see someone who is homeless, I give it away (unless it's the last of my money).

What do I do to make other people's life better?

I came up with nothing. FAlling in love, and loving someone unconditioningly from afar isn't a substitute for a real, day-to-day relationship that is the cornerstone of our society. IT is the family.