All The Traditional Things You Give Up When DAting A Married Man

I think about all the traditional things I'm missing by being in love with a married man.

On FAcebook, it says that I'm single even though I won't date or commit to anyone else because it would be unfair to someone as I'm in love with Morpheus.

Morpheus and I have never actually made it to dinner (he asked me once, and then we got into a fight about his wife, and plans were canceled).

None of my friends have met him. My parents have not met him, although my mother use to talk to him all the time.

Then there is the lack of communication because he has to sneak around his wife. It is here-and-there txt-messages, and only seeing each other, at best, once every two months. I can't just call him, and say, "Hi." I have an easier time, I fucking swear to god, of getting ahold of the fucking Pope.

WE have never gone on dates.

WE have never made it to coffee, despite the fact that I have called and requested this several times.

WE are always dreaming, never putting into action for today, for tomorrow.

None of my other relationships with men will develop into anything because of him.

Morpheus gives no prior notice to when he is available. He just calls when he wants me to come over or meet somewhere. I am expected to show up.

There's no pictures. I've known the man for four years, and all of the pictures I have of him are from his wife. There are none of him and I together.

It's hard explaining my relationship with him to friends and family without pissing "traditional" people off. Everyone has an opinion, and they want to share and help and make things worse by judging.

I can never find the master bedroom. What is with that fucking house? Why? Because I've never been there when it's light outside!!!!

It's been four years, all those one night stands, and he doesn't know I drool on the pillow or that crusty morning look because why? I leave before then.

The dude has a hang up about coffee. One morning, I point to the coffee maker on the kitchen counter. "YOu make coffee?" NO. d "Okay...." He drinks fucking coffee. I went home that morning coffee-less. He just didn't want me to hang out in the AM, ruining his regular schedule. Really cute, right? I'm waiting for the morning when he leaves for work, I come over. It's me and the Wife. WE have coffee. Call him over then. "Honey. WE have stuff to talk about over coffee."

Our fights takes months. I'm learning this--this is new. A normal boyfriend or guy. YOu get into a fight, it lasts a few hours. Someone gives up, someone apologizes. Done. Not with MOrpheus. This shit is getting strung out. For god's sakes man. What the fuck are we doing?

Here's the obvious: You put in all that work. You stay up late. YOu answer your phone always. YOu provide interesting, entertaining sex. You can't marry a married man. A normal boyfriend after four years would be ready for the big question unless he was a complete dumbass.