Note

Parts of this blog have been fictionalized. 9. As it was created through the halls of the mind in the grasp of psychosis.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Day She Gave Up On Love

In my mind, there was a day that my mother gave up on love.

She always says that Richard shouldn't have been my father--biology being biology, Dad should been the boyfriend before she took her vows.

Your whole body can give up, bits and pieces at first, piling up, adding to dead weight. I feel it. Like your insides are being dragged to slaughter.You dig inside and hand over a chunk of liver.

She tells the story when there is no one around but us.

The day she gave up on love.

I want to name my baby girl "HOpe" so that every day and any time she's down she always remembers to believe in the idea.

I'll never have any children, but I dream about them. I don't want to find my daughter in the ER with cut up arms or struggling to breathe under a ventilator because she decided she couldn't live this life anymore.





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