When I died, love, when I died
there was a war in the upper air:
all that happens, happens there;
there was an angel by my side
when I died, love, when I died.

--A Western Ballad by Allen Ginsberg

I had the towel in my hand. I was going to hang myself for love. I was psychotic and delusional and hearing voices ordering me around.

I almost believed them. Almost was enough. Not this time.