I feel I'm over you.

Closure

I've had two bilateral ECT treatments.

I've noticed a few differences, however slight.

I ruminate about MOrpheus less.

I feel as if I have as much closure as I will ever have.

[The attending doctor corrected me, and said that I've only had one bilateral ECT treatment.]

"God, if I have to stay here another week, I'm gonna die," my roommate in the hospital talking and crying to the department head.

I had my sixth ECT treatment on Monday. I'm still not responding.

EVery round seems to get harder and harder with the side effects.

Monday, I spend in bed with a headache and nausea. I didn't eat lunch or dinner.

Friday was my fifth ECT treatment.

I have not responded yet. This is more of a disappointment to me than to the doctors.

I haven't changed my clothes since Tuesday, and am exhausted plus still feeling the effects of battling a migraine. My irritability level has gone up.

The nurses decided to move my belongings today while I was away in group. I come back to find some of them in the hallway. This irked me to no end. People touching my stuff. MOving it around.

I'm on my fourth ECT with no sign of getting better. All I keep wondering is if I made a major mistake allowing them to experiment on me.

My Last Morning in Libya

my last morning in libya, and the sky is so blue i want to cry. i want to break off a piece and stir it in my tea. take it home and put it on my dresser. give it to my father and tell him, "here, some libyan sky. it misses you. it says come home soon."

--A beautiful controversy

Is Blogging Dying?

"Its been wayyy tooo long hasnt it :D, but everything here is so much the same, is js clik n i can scribble n then i js click again n u can read!! cool han :P"

With writing like that, what am I supposed to think? It looks like me, after I haven't slept for two weeks, completely psychotic, talking to all the voices.

Clicking the "Next Blog" button is a disappointing venture. I've browsed over a hundred blogs, and only found two readable.

"Mommy doesn’t know because she likes to sniff lots of sugar."

--On Santa's Lap (With Howie and Healy)

In my nightmares, I see Nora, the hallucination, sitting on the couch, her face partially hidden by her long, blonde hair, leaning towards a laptop--with the coke on the table.

"So, you have been spending a lot of time on the computer," the resident starts.

What are you going to do, spank me?

DAte or Hooker?

"Traditionally, I'd say the fourth date where you are rewarded with sober sex and a $200 credit card balance from treating that special someone to four three course meals at low-scale, nationally chained restaurants. (Outback: No Rules, Just right? Does that mean I don't have to pay?) For that kind of money, you're better off investing in a hooker and the Domino's 5-5-5 deal, each coming with its own special topping. And both are promised to be delivered in 30 minutes or less. Dating? No thanks. I've got low self-esteem, a bottle of vodka, and a phone book. I’m ready for marriage."

--Crossing the Line

"I recently started a Netflix account. Aside from owning a cat or having an account at a child pornography website, nothing quite says 'destined to die alone on the toilet' than renting movies by mail. Not only are you engaging in an activity that you can do sitting alone in your room, you’re also doing it by mail, taking away all interpersonal contact. But, my dick and hand needed some time-off from each other, so this is where we are. Accept it."

--Crossing the Line

"Something in my life needs to change. I have a dead end job, no productive hobbies, and seem to lack any ambition to do anything about it. This must be why people get married and have kids in the first place. They’ve already given up on their own lives so they might as well start over and live vicariously through their children who will inevitably repeat the cycle. Online dating is my first step in giving up on my dreams."

--Crossing the Line

"This online platform lets me be - I get to write my heart out."

--Swati's Diary

"Everything I had to give went to my children, and though I loved them and my husband utterly, the drudgery of the day-to-day made it seem as if not love but coffee, my Toyota and sheer logistics were what propelled me through life."

--A Small Lump Challenges

"All I need now is a stiff drink and some pretzels."

--Heather's Musings on LIfe

There's no amount of phone call's, TXT-message's, email's or FAcebook messaging that can penetrate the loneliness of the ward on the weekends when other patients have visitors.

The hardest part about ECT is setting the IV.

More on Nora, the Hallucination, Part III

"What makes you think you are the one who can be the odds?" Nora, the hallucination, would ask me. "What makes you think you are going to be the one who gets away?"

"Everyone has to believe that about themselves," I would respond.

I would pray for a miracle of God. d. Anything to stop Nora.