To this day, I'm still bewildered.

Why buy a big bag of salad for one person who is only staying for a few days when no one else eats fucking salad?

I'm in WAl-Mart looking at it, saying to myself, "I'll probably just throw it up."

Hades is standing there, "But it's only [price]."

It will just sit in the frig and go bad. Rotten.

How much salad do you want to eat? The whole bag?

NO. No one wants to eat that much salad on a holiday. It's too much pressure. That's two meals a day of salad five days in a row. That's boot camp of veggies. Plus, I was betting I'd just vomit it back up.