Despite the psychotic symptoms, the hacking, I refused to stop writing. This is the part where I sigh.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Virginia Woolf Suicide NOte
I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V.
--
http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Virginia_Woolf_suicide_note
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http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Virginia_Woolf_suicide_note
--
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
She wants to die because she has no quality of life. no
The Costco trip did not go well.
It is impossible to write. My words are not my own anymore (has to do with putting down internal dialogue).
IN an aisle at the store, I yelled at the brain hackers. x. And jerked around the basket.
I looked like a fucking schizophrenic.
The "hackers" told me that my grandmother saw me lose my temper, although I'm on the fence whether I believe them.
they say I have only about a week to live.
I spend my time doing this. writing. listening to music. what else is there? 0.
"Something will happen, I can feel it."
The Costco trip did not go well.
It is impossible to write. My words are not my own anymore (has to do with putting down internal dialogue).
IN an aisle at the store, I yelled at the brain hackers. x. And jerked around the basket.
I looked like a fucking schizophrenic.
The "hackers" told me that my grandmother saw me lose my temper, although I'm on the fence whether I believe them.
they say I have only about a week to live.
I spend my time doing this. writing. listening to music. what else is there? 0.
"Something will happen, I can feel it."
This is true. I was looking at two possible scenarios:
DEATH or ending up on the street with headphones listening to music and talking to myself and/or the voices preaching from the Bibles and/or ranting about the Fourth Amendment, having excluded myself from the rest of "normal" society. Because I had been trashed psychologically and socially by the US government for whatever reason that I don't even understand.
Who wants to live like that? No one. no.o.
DEATH or ending up on the street with headphones listening to music and talking to myself and/or the voices preaching from the Bibles and/or ranting about the Fourth Amendment, having excluded myself from the rest of "normal" society. Because I had been trashed psychologically and socially by the US government for whatever reason that I don't even understand.
Who wants to live like that? No one. no.o.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Lovre Bites
The threat of death is greater than the death itself.
'yeah because then you're dead' came a reply.
no .
The point being that the anxiety over the supposed immediate death ruins the quality of life while waiting to die, which is unavoidable. People keep reminding me I'm going to die. I go to the authorities, who cannot or will not help me. Nothing can be done. Yet, the threat is still there. Daily. YOu will die, from those who wish me harm and those who do not.
c. i.o.o.
The reminder "you are going to die" feeds into the overall sadism no matter who it is coming from. YOu have to back it up by action. YOu are going to die, I am here to help you . WE do this. I have a plan. WE are in action, taking steps.
x
Evolutionary-wise, we are blind to our own deaths. I spent a few months, running around to exhaustion over the likelihood of mine ending. no. NOw? It's supposed to be suicide. no. o. 4. NO one is going to die. d. x. AT times, I want to die. But I want to catch criminals more. That's the whole truth. I pushed my friends away, x, and certain family members away at expense, and I want to accomplish this goal.
Even doing that, even starting a criminal investigation, will never give me back the things, the people and the relationships I've lost. i. It doesn't for anyone. It won't fix the shitty life I had before this mess started. d.
'yeah because then you're dead' came a reply.
no .
The point being that the anxiety over the supposed immediate death ruins the quality of life while waiting to die, which is unavoidable. People keep reminding me I'm going to die. I go to the authorities, who cannot or will not help me. Nothing can be done. Yet, the threat is still there. Daily. YOu will die, from those who wish me harm and those who do not.
c. i.o.o.
The reminder "you are going to die" feeds into the overall sadism no matter who it is coming from. YOu have to back it up by action. YOu are going to die, I am here to help you . WE do this. I have a plan. WE are in action, taking steps.
x
Evolutionary-wise, we are blind to our own deaths. I spent a few months, running around to exhaustion over the likelihood of mine ending. no. NOw? It's supposed to be suicide. no. o. 4. NO one is going to die. d. x. AT times, I want to die. But I want to catch criminals more. That's the whole truth. I pushed my friends away, x, and certain family members away at expense, and I want to accomplish this goal.
Even doing that, even starting a criminal investigation, will never give me back the things, the people and the relationships I've lost. i. It doesn't for anyone. It won't fix the shitty life I had before this mess started. d.
The story is something like this:
There's someone out there to get me, who wants to do serious harm, and drive me to suicide. d. Who won't stop until I get a criminal investigation started. o. x. w. c.
They all mock my civil rights rants. All of them. The bad ones, the good-bad ones, the bad-bad ones, and even just the lazy ones. That would be my word for the apathetic ones.
They say, it's not about civil rights, it's about attempted murder or potential murder. c.
Never would have gotten to point C without waltzing through point B. How did all of this mess get started?
Violation of the Fourth Amendment.
Abuses in and throughout the government, of their power.
But they are so numb to it, they don't even get it. z.
Once they've raped your house, they rape the First. Because what's one? Why not another?
There's someone out there to get me, who wants to do serious harm, and drive me to suicide. d. Who won't stop until I get a criminal investigation started. o. x. w. c.
They all mock my civil rights rants. All of them. The bad ones, the good-bad ones, the bad-bad ones, and even just the lazy ones. That would be my word for the apathetic ones.
They say, it's not about civil rights, it's about attempted murder or potential murder. c.
Never would have gotten to point C without waltzing through point B. How did all of this mess get started?
Violation of the Fourth Amendment.
Abuses in and throughout the government, of their power.
But they are so numb to it, they don't even get it. z.
Once they've raped your house, they rape the First. Because what's one? Why not another?
"WE already lost her, doc," he says standing next to the body on the operating table. o.
The General and I are standing there, no one sees us. WE are the ghosts. d. The hacker war lost another victim. IN exchange for any power, we are never apart of the real world. He sent her her last email, her last TXT-message, and she talked to him during her last phone call. d.
WE see everything, control nothing in the garbage of the wasteland of what is now the internet. o.c.
The General and I are standing there, no one sees us. WE are the ghosts. d. The hacker war lost another victim. IN exchange for any power, we are never apart of the real world. He sent her her last email, her last TXT-message, and she talked to him during her last phone call. d.
WE see everything, control nothing in the garbage of the wasteland of what is now the internet. o.c.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tomorrow I see Dead People
Tomorrow when I wake up, I will walk in to a dark living room, and sit down with five dead people hanging out on couch and the extra TV chair.
One of them will smoking a cigar that has no smoke, and he will talk to me. He will say nothing in particular. "Today is your lucky day. Today is the first day of insanity." I knew your grandfather he says silently sitting there. WE all hang out while everyone else moves around us.
"The government hacked me too," one of the other ones says as he looks out the window of my bedroom. "NOw I'm in fucking hell here with you." d. WE never leave the room for eternity. OUtside is our paradise never reached. That was punishment enough. no.
One of them will smoking a cigar that has no smoke, and he will talk to me. He will say nothing in particular. "Today is your lucky day. Today is the first day of insanity." I knew your grandfather he says silently sitting there. WE all hang out while everyone else moves around us.
"The government hacked me too," one of the other ones says as he looks out the window of my bedroom. "NOw I'm in fucking hell here with you." d. WE never leave the room for eternity. OUtside is our paradise never reached. That was punishment enough. no.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Everyday in the Hacker Warzone o
You brought this war upon yourself Lacey
nO
That’s not true
NO YSE all
I’m too weak to fight this stupid bullshit off anymore
nO 9
Which is why I let you say whatever you want
nO
Some People Believe in TElepathy
BRANDON is not losing his hair.
nO
Morpheus says via telepathy that he cannot call because they have hacked into the phone lines
nO c
This is true, theye have hacked into the lines. Whether or not that is his reason, I don't know. I'm also really on the fence about telepathy. c.
o.c.
That does not stand for Orange County. NO. YSE 9. y. d.
There is no evidence for telepathy (for myself). YOu have to test it. c. YOu have to test it long enough it wasn't coincidence. Repeated results, in other words. no .
One of the more bizarre phenomenons lately is the daydreams and nightmares recently. no. 9. c. MOstly about Morpheus. c.
I explore these strange ideas because better to kind to them than to harshly reject them from a clinical standpoint. c. AT least in the beginning. c. rEsulting from trauma? Anxiety/ The flashing images?
People in our population believe in telepathy. c.
I just don't. c. w.
However, I work a mild form of telepathy with animals with training. It's not very good, but it's there. YOu realize after a while if you work with the same horse that she/he will think before you do, and get the commands right. HOw does it know? I haven't a clue. People say it's something in your body that sends the signal, but I've never bought that argument. c. With some horses, it's stronger than with others, you know usually right away. c. Sads.n oy.
[Group project. The writing. yyy. ]
With people, I have never experienced this phenomenon, nothing even close. c. WE are too self-centered. Our entire introspective structure is that way. WE do not concern ourselves with other people enough to develop those skill even if evolutionary-wise we had them to start. no. WE spend all of our thought processes on what we are doing, what people think about us, not about what other people think about themselves. Is fred okay? He looks down. Peter? YOu okay? nO. Tammy? She hurt her elbow playing tennis. I can tell. d. She's in pain. Sophie's Mom is a bitch. i. WE don't do that.
HOrses on the other hand are big herd animals. Group. WE. Humans? nO. NOt in the same manner. NOt anymore.
Is it some sad, selective loss? I can't say. would the Hive Concept make a better world if you and I and Tammy and Peter all cried when someone was assaulted five miles away? PRobably.
c f
loves youonoj
THe hives is awake erly the morning
nO
oo
o
oooo
c
ooooo
Because of our culture, the vast majority of people would be against telepathy even if it was as readily available as buying an X-Box. OR let's put it this way, if they tried it for a few days. no. They would not want to lose their individualism. NO. Y. We have a disagreement among the hackers, but I have a feeling that i"m right with the majority vote. YOu don't like the government snooping into your mail? YOur home? What about your head/ Don't buy the fucxking X-Box okay?? Okay. i. dd. Even if it gave you the power back to do the same. This is part of the reason why telepathy is not an acceptable believe in our society, despite whatever fact or fiction there may be.
What if you could never give it back once bought? And no one told you that beforehand? d
YOu're fucking stuck with that shit. .o.
The neighbor's brain is really not that interesting, and you're going insane. i.
WE pride ourselves too much on what we can do by ourselves. Despite when we cry for help. It is in the very beginning of who we are as a country. i.
Pick me up. Okay, go away now. i
Highly empathetic individuals know the burden of people in pain who refuse to do anything about it. Learned helplessness. And what it is like unable to help people. Imagine hearing that while trying to get work done at your job. a.o.
Some of us know the failures of not doing enough to help, and the failures of the system and the failures of what just life does to people, through no fault of anyone--but someone has to be a witness. o. Disasters. a.o.
p
nO
WE shut off our brains already to the pains of others. Drugs. Alcohol. What are you going to do with artificially enhanced telepathy? c.
nO
Morpheus says via telepathy that he cannot call because they have hacked into the phone lines
nO c
This is true, theye have hacked into the lines. Whether or not that is his reason, I don't know. I'm also really on the fence about telepathy. c.
o.c.
That does not stand for Orange County. NO. YSE 9. y. d.
There is no evidence for telepathy (for myself). YOu have to test it. c. YOu have to test it long enough it wasn't coincidence. Repeated results, in other words. no .
One of the more bizarre phenomenons lately is the daydreams and nightmares recently. no. 9. c. MOstly about Morpheus. c.
I explore these strange ideas because better to kind to them than to harshly reject them from a clinical standpoint. c. AT least in the beginning. c. rEsulting from trauma? Anxiety/ The flashing images?
People in our population believe in telepathy. c.
I just don't. c. w.
However, I work a mild form of telepathy with animals with training. It's not very good, but it's there. YOu realize after a while if you work with the same horse that she/he will think before you do, and get the commands right. HOw does it know? I haven't a clue. People say it's something in your body that sends the signal, but I've never bought that argument. c. With some horses, it's stronger than with others, you know usually right away. c. Sads.n oy.
[Group project. The writing. yyy. ]
With people, I have never experienced this phenomenon, nothing even close. c. WE are too self-centered. Our entire introspective structure is that way. WE do not concern ourselves with other people enough to develop those skill even if evolutionary-wise we had them to start. no. WE spend all of our thought processes on what we are doing, what people think about us, not about what other people think about themselves. Is fred okay? He looks down. Peter? YOu okay? nO. Tammy? She hurt her elbow playing tennis. I can tell. d. She's in pain. Sophie's Mom is a bitch. i. WE don't do that.
HOrses on the other hand are big herd animals. Group. WE. Humans? nO. NOt in the same manner. NOt anymore.
Is it some sad, selective loss? I can't say. would the Hive Concept make a better world if you and I and Tammy and Peter all cried when someone was assaulted five miles away? PRobably.
c f
loves youonoj
THe hives is awake erly the morning
nO
oo
o
oooo
c
ooooo
Because of our culture, the vast majority of people would be against telepathy even if it was as readily available as buying an X-Box. OR let's put it this way, if they tried it for a few days. no. They would not want to lose their individualism. NO. Y. We have a disagreement among the hackers, but I have a feeling that i"m right with the majority vote. YOu don't like the government snooping into your mail? YOur home? What about your head/ Don't buy the fucxking X-Box okay?? Okay. i. dd. Even if it gave you the power back to do the same. This is part of the reason why telepathy is not an acceptable believe in our society, despite whatever fact or fiction there may be.
What if you could never give it back once bought? And no one told you that beforehand? d
YOu're fucking stuck with that shit. .o.
The neighbor's brain is really not that interesting, and you're going insane. i.
WE pride ourselves too much on what we can do by ourselves. Despite when we cry for help. It is in the very beginning of who we are as a country. i.
Pick me up. Okay, go away now. i
Highly empathetic individuals know the burden of people in pain who refuse to do anything about it. Learned helplessness. And what it is like unable to help people. Imagine hearing that while trying to get work done at your job. a.o.
Some of us know the failures of not doing enough to help, and the failures of the system and the failures of what just life does to people, through no fault of anyone--but someone has to be a witness. o. Disasters. a.o.
p
nO
WE shut off our brains already to the pains of others. Drugs. Alcohol. What are you going to do with artificially enhanced telepathy? c.
Monday, August 8, 2011
JUstin Gets a LIke
The one that catches my eye the most is this one: ”I love Jesus, and the cross and if you dont, I hope someone rapes you!” by Sindy...
Doesn’t Sindy realize that we are going to laugh at her for an entirely different reason? Her comment goes right into the “How Christian of you” flavor of Hate Mail infamy. The kind that Richard Dawkins reads to a room of wide-eyed atheists who can’t help but laugh uncontrollably at the bizarre statements.
--Threats to Rape and Kill Atheists -- STay Classy
I have experienced this myself. d.
KIll. KILL> DIE.
Hugs. ads
I don't know d if I can go to d the E camp with "I"m here to rape and kill you with kindness."
DON'T FEED THE TROLLS. ADAoooooooo
Doesn’t Sindy realize that we are going to laugh at her for an entirely different reason? Her comment goes right into the “How Christian of you” flavor of Hate Mail infamy. The kind that Richard Dawkins reads to a room of wide-eyed atheists who can’t help but laugh uncontrollably at the bizarre statements.
--Threats to Rape and Kill Atheists -- STay Classy
I have experienced this myself. d.
KIll. KILL> DIE.
Hugs. ads
I don't know d if I can go to d the E camp with "I"m here to rape and kill you with kindness."
DON'T FEED THE TROLLS. ADAoooooooo
Trauma-Induced Psychiatric Symptoms
Most of the time, I am doing better than I was with the effects of the trauma. I don't yell at anyone over the phone, and I don't have flashes of anger during the day, and there are no anxiety attacks.
The visible signs of wear can be seen if you bother to look.
I never leave the house unless I have a very specific reason for doing so. I still contemplate suicide. I lost almost all of my social contacts. I only dress a few days out of the week; usually, I'm in my pj's.
I analyze my own thoughts to death looking for signs of progressive mental illness. d. The last thing I want is psychotic symptoms disrupting my own case. d. Is that normal? NO. Y/ES? It is. But the hackers want me to go down. Sooner rather than later. I search for a low stress environment which means I hide. NO one supports me, so I hide further inside. I'm the Army of ONe.
I think of all the people who look for help from law enforcement, and they never get that help. I think of all the people who want help from the courts, and they are frustrated by the system. d. I think of what will happen to me if I never get anything going. I will die here in this room. I refuse to live in it. d.
That is the point that no one understands. IT is the point that I tried to express to people before August 20, 2008, and no one understood. IT is a point that you cannot ever get across.
What bothers me about this is the ADA that comes up from behind. "NO real crime occurred. This is your mental illness." d. YOU are delusional.
And how stress-related symptoms can make you really ill. d. But are wholly separate from the crimes being committed. And should be treated separate. YOu treat the patient. YOu fight the crime. d.
I'm mentally ill. I never leave my house. That's not normal.
That does not me I"m psychotic. And even if I was psychotic--let's pretend for a second I am--
Someone could still be hacking my computer. d.
Sometimes I manage it too well. IF I threw a bigger, more melodramatic fight, maybe others would see the internal damage of the crime display externally.
IN some kind of caring world, that would happen. But here in this world, that is not true.e d
I try to keep the fit-throwing to a minimum.
The visible signs of wear can be seen if you bother to look.
I never leave the house unless I have a very specific reason for doing so. I still contemplate suicide. I lost almost all of my social contacts. I only dress a few days out of the week; usually, I'm in my pj's.
I analyze my own thoughts to death looking for signs of progressive mental illness. d. The last thing I want is psychotic symptoms disrupting my own case. d. Is that normal? NO. Y/ES? It is. But the hackers want me to go down. Sooner rather than later. I search for a low stress environment which means I hide. NO one supports me, so I hide further inside. I'm the Army of ONe.
I think of all the people who look for help from law enforcement, and they never get that help. I think of all the people who want help from the courts, and they are frustrated by the system. d. I think of what will happen to me if I never get anything going. I will die here in this room. I refuse to live in it. d.
That is the point that no one understands. IT is the point that I tried to express to people before August 20, 2008, and no one understood. IT is a point that you cannot ever get across.
What bothers me about this is the ADA that comes up from behind. "NO real crime occurred. This is your mental illness." d. YOU are delusional.
And how stress-related symptoms can make you really ill. d. But are wholly separate from the crimes being committed. And should be treated separate. YOu treat the patient. YOu fight the crime. d.
I'm mentally ill. I never leave my house. That's not normal.
That does not me I"m psychotic. And even if I was psychotic--let's pretend for a second I am--
Someone could still be hacking my computer. d.
Sometimes I manage it too well. IF I threw a bigger, more melodramatic fight, maybe others would see the internal damage of the crime display externally.
IN some kind of caring world, that would happen. But here in this world, that is not true.e d
I try to keep the fit-throwing to a minimum.
"Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it."
--Patrick Henry
--Patrick Henry
Fort Bragg has reached a truce of sorts with a group of Army atheists that opens the door for an event called Rock Beyond Belief on post next spring featuring music and speeches by noted secular humanists, including the writer Richard Dawkins .
--Atheist EVent to be Held at Fort Bragg
--Atheist EVent to be Held at Fort Bragg
Yes. d.
No one believes in me, much less in what I tell them.
I have to go out, and find people to help me.
This isn't about today or tomorrow, but I fear this is one lifelong battle that I'm never going to win. d.
Moments of [hoe]
LOL> d
Moments of hopelessness catch you in the [threat]
WE didn't write that! d
Moments of hopelessness catch you in the throat, and burn.
This will not end.
Pain no one sees.
I have to go out, and find people to help me.
This isn't about today or tomorrow, but I fear this is one lifelong battle that I'm never going to win. d.
Moments of [hoe]
LOL> d
Moments of hopelessness catch you in the [threat]
WE didn't write that! d
Moments of hopelessness catch you in the throat, and burn.
This will not end.
Pain no one sees.
BAD. d
"In his suit, Doe claims that he was abducted by the American military in November 2005, as he was preparing to come home for annual leave. He was handcuffed, blindfolded and held in solitary confinement for 72 hours before being shuttled to Camp Cropper where, according to Doe, he was held in a military jail and subjected to routine abuse."
--Judge Allows Torture Suit AGainst Rumsfeld to Go Forward
John Doe was an Army veteran.
NO YSE d
too. 9.no.o.o.ooi
That is bad. d REALLY BAD. d
nO oooooooooooooooooooo
--Judge Allows Torture Suit AGainst Rumsfeld to Go Forward
John Doe was an Army veteran.
NO YSE d
too. 9.no.o.o.ooi
That is bad. d REALLY BAD. d
nO oooooooooooooooooooo
Don't Break UP with Me on FAcebook.
“So, you’re telling me that you’re crying at night, you’re not sleeping, you’re eating all this food to make you feel better, and you’re supposed to just come to an agreement?”
--TEaching Kids How to Break UP
Dating and the social media. d
There should be lawyers who just specialize in this. o.
nO d
Return a car. REturn a guy.
Cooling off period. NO FAcebook. d. NO blog. d. 30 days.
nO
--TEaching Kids How to Break UP
Dating and the social media. d
There should be lawyers who just specialize in this. o.
nO d
Return a car. REturn a guy.
Cooling off period. NO FAcebook. d. NO blog. d. 30 days.
nO
Mind's Taunting Voices
“She says, ‘Joe, I know you feel like quitting, but what if tomorrow is the day you get what you want?’ And walks out. I sat there staring at that gun for an hour at least, and finally decided — never again. It can never be an option. Patsy deserves for me to be trying.”
--Learning to Cope with Mind's Taunting Voices
I read this, and it was scary to me.
NO d,,,,,,
I've never been that ill. EVer. What is happening is really happening. I've never heard voices, I've never had a full visual hallucination. I've had some vertigo, etc. But nothing this bad. oooooo. I've had different problems, sure. But nothing like The Quiet Room.
--Learning to Cope with Mind's Taunting Voices
I read this, and it was scary to me.
NO d,,,,,,
I've never been that ill. EVer. What is happening is really happening. I've never heard voices, I've never had a full visual hallucination. I've had some vertigo, etc. But nothing this bad. oooooo. I've had different problems, sure. But nothing like The Quiet Room.
WAtching the EX
"Eventually, it occurred to me that I could create an online persona who could contact him — another teacher who wanted to comment on his work problems, perhaps. There was a long-lost love referenced in the postings — not me, but maybe I could re-enter his world cyberdressed as her."
--MOdern Love -- When an Ex Blogs, Okay to WAtch? a
Do not ever do this. EVer. For any reason. d.
YOu are never anon. YOu have something to say. SAy it. d.
In general, I suggest not reading ex-boyfriend's or ex-girlfriend's blogs, but we all do it. d.
AS a writer, your words will haunt you and come back to affect your life in real ways, sometimes with disastrous results. We have to write anyway.
--MOdern Love -- When an Ex Blogs, Okay to WAtch? a
Do not ever do this. EVer. For any reason. d.
YOu are never anon. YOu have something to say. SAy it. d.
In general, I suggest not reading ex-boyfriend's or ex-girlfriend's blogs, but we all do it. d.
AS a writer, your words will haunt you and come back to affect your life in real ways, sometimes with disastrous results. We have to write anyway.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
THey CAn't Hack a ZERo. d
I need a miracle of God. d.
An Act of God.
Because no one around me believes in getting the systems attention even though it will ruin the rest of my quality of life.
It is the arrogance in the presumption that if you are small and meek that you will not stand up for what is yours--that is your rights--when someone who is larger knocks you down. It is that--which really--
Fucking pisses me off.
Big people inside are small outside. OU don't get upset when someone cuts you off in line at the grocery store--although sadly this rule does not apply on the highway. nO .d. YOu allow yourself to be pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed until--
A certain point.
And the little people out there mistake that for cowardice.
That being said,
I need a Harvard law education and money. I was ill-equipped for this battle. NO foreshadowing in this novel to prepare me for what I face today. I took one business law class.
I need a miracle from God.9.
ZERO needs help.
An Act of God.
Because no one around me believes in getting the systems attention even though it will ruin the rest of my quality of life.
It is the arrogance in the presumption that if you are small and meek that you will not stand up for what is yours--that is your rights--when someone who is larger knocks you down. It is that--which really--
Fucking pisses me off.
Big people inside are small outside. OU don't get upset when someone cuts you off in line at the grocery store--although sadly this rule does not apply on the highway. nO .d. YOu allow yourself to be pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed until--
A certain point.
And the little people out there mistake that for cowardice.
That being said,
I need a Harvard law education and money. I was ill-equipped for this battle. NO foreshadowing in this novel to prepare me for what I face today. I took one business law class.
I need a miracle from God.9.
ZERO needs help.
YOu. ARE. Special. But Still. Under. The. Law.
I'm waiting for the day when I toss a cell phone without touching it.
OR worse. Because things like that are always in anger. yOu're bound to hit someone with it.
nO
Sorry, STeve. d
i
This would be a cool story if I started the wrong car (hands free), and it drove itself until it hit another car in a parking lot. LUckily no one was hurt. And then the government was circling me like sharks because they realized I was "special" and different and unlike the others.
This is not that story.
IF I could hack a microwave in SLO, CA in the kitchen while being El Paso, TX. d
Because I wanted to distract GRandma and get her off of the phone. d
"Why did the microwave turn on?"
I don't know, Grandma. d Weirdest thing. YOu're angry about being special and having to keep it a secret and having no one know and having no one care because they don't know and it pisses you off, so you do dumb stuff to get their attention. LIke hack microwaves. d
For the record, I can't hack a microwave. IF it breaks for the usual reason, wear and tear, I have no idea what to do with it. Hmmmm....broke. d
The special people want to be noticed for being special (sad, really) while the ordinary people want to be special, and then when the special people try to ruin the ordinary people's lives, we the ordinary people are so grateful for being fucking ordinary, but we are ignored all the more.
It's tragic. The story.
IF you read, which you did but then you ignored it, you did you ignored all of it, the Constitution says that there is no distinction between special and the ordinary.
What's the worse part, the special people think that they're special (true) but they are so corrupted either by a childhood (abusive, let's not dive too deep into it, they'd be insulted) or by the system (remember that? WE never talk about it) that they don't feeeeeeel like they get what they deserve in life.e
YOu cannot justify their behavior to yourself, to them, and you cannot feed them fast enough, you cannot pacify them. YOu cannot tame a beast who has that kind of hunger for power.
That's Antisocial Personality Disorder.
I am. Above and beyond. I will lie and manipulate and do much worse to get what I want. That is singular. AS in only me. a. Because why? I am special.
If you combine an Antisocial with technical skills, hacking, you have a scary prospect for both private citizens and shortly, the US Government. d. What? YOu think you can stop him or her? d. Don't do that. d. Bad. YOu can only steal from other people, but not us. d. Who cares about the Fourth Amendment as long as you only do bad overh there. d. Don't make too big of a mess, guys. WE're watching. ARE you ready for golf? I"m readying for some golf. d
Where's the 2 million? d.
It waas right here. NO .I put it over there, and then--
There is no evidence I've found of 2 million missing. For the record again. YES. d. Lord knows, no one around here likes to make shit up.
NO. LOL> d
NOPE.
My point remains the sam.e .
The government is lying. YES. The government is allowing crime to continue. NO .YOU lie. YES. They are. They are hidingg a criminal. YES. 9i.
OR worse. Because things like that are always in anger. yOu're bound to hit someone with it.
nO
Sorry, STeve. d
i
This would be a cool story if I started the wrong car (hands free), and it drove itself until it hit another car in a parking lot. LUckily no one was hurt. And then the government was circling me like sharks because they realized I was "special" and different and unlike the others.
This is not that story.
IF I could hack a microwave in SLO, CA in the kitchen while being El Paso, TX. d
Because I wanted to distract GRandma and get her off of the phone. d
"Why did the microwave turn on?"
I don't know, Grandma. d Weirdest thing. YOu're angry about being special and having to keep it a secret and having no one know and having no one care because they don't know and it pisses you off, so you do dumb stuff to get their attention. LIke hack microwaves. d
For the record, I can't hack a microwave. IF it breaks for the usual reason, wear and tear, I have no idea what to do with it. Hmmmm....broke. d
The special people want to be noticed for being special (sad, really) while the ordinary people want to be special, and then when the special people try to ruin the ordinary people's lives, we the ordinary people are so grateful for being fucking ordinary, but we are ignored all the more.
It's tragic. The story.
IF you read, which you did but then you ignored it, you did you ignored all of it, the Constitution says that there is no distinction between special and the ordinary.
What's the worse part, the special people think that they're special (true) but they are so corrupted either by a childhood (abusive, let's not dive too deep into it, they'd be insulted) or by the system (remember that? WE never talk about it) that they don't feeeeeeel like they get what they deserve in life.e
YOu cannot justify their behavior to yourself, to them, and you cannot feed them fast enough, you cannot pacify them. YOu cannot tame a beast who has that kind of hunger for power.
That's Antisocial Personality Disorder.
I am. Above and beyond. I will lie and manipulate and do much worse to get what I want. That is singular. AS in only me. a. Because why? I am special.
If you combine an Antisocial with technical skills, hacking, you have a scary prospect for both private citizens and shortly, the US Government. d. What? YOu think you can stop him or her? d. Don't do that. d. Bad. YOu can only steal from other people, but not us. d. Who cares about the Fourth Amendment as long as you only do bad overh there. d. Don't make too big of a mess, guys. WE're watching. ARE you ready for golf? I"m readying for some golf. d
Where's the 2 million? d.
It waas right here. NO .I put it over there, and then--
There is no evidence I've found of 2 million missing. For the record again. YES. d. Lord knows, no one around here likes to make shit up.
NO. LOL> d
NOPE.
My point remains the sam.e .
The government is lying. YES. The government is allowing crime to continue. NO .YOU lie. YES. They are. They are hidingg a criminal. YES. 9i.
According to the Supreme Court, the Fourth Amendment regulates government conduct that violates an individual’s reasonable expectation of privacy.1 But no one seems to know what makes an expectation of privacy constitutionally “reasonable.”
--Orin S. Kerr, "Four Models of Fourth Amendment Protection"
NO one knows what the fuck that is, in other words. ad
But we're pretty sure that "reasonable" protects you from the invasion of the frog legs. a
And the wink. da
YOu should go your whole life, and the only frog legs you should deal with are the ones in 9th grade science class, and the ones you eat. d
That's your fucking Fourth Amendment f working for you! o
--Orin S. Kerr, "Four Models of Fourth Amendment Protection"
NO one knows what the fuck that is, in other words. ad
But we're pretty sure that "reasonable" protects you from the invasion of the frog legs. a
And the wink. da
YOu should go your whole life, and the only frog legs you should deal with are the ones in 9th grade science class, and the ones you eat. d
That's your fucking Fourth Amendment f working for you! o
I HACKED THE FOURTH AND THE FIRST. D
Maybe I'm making the one last, fatal mistake: conversing and interacting with the hackers before I leave for D.C. d
I feel like there is nothing to be gained by doing so but more confusion.
Completely isolating myself from all forms of communication is not the answer either, but I have few options. o.
I've made a lot of mistakes during the past eight months, but I charged through anyway. If you have no sense of where you are going or who even your attacker is, you are going to make mistakes. y. 8.
From the beginning, there was very much a battle over my mind. It is more evident now. I have written about this before, [e, n, i, ooooooo] in earlier entries, the psychological terrorism involved, the phone calls, the emails, the IM conversations, etc. People hitting my car while I"m still in it, people swerving near me while I'm driving, etc.
IN a way, I don't understand the psychology. WE give you hugs, but beat you the next turn. It's abusive cycle, but it's all still anonymous. IN the hacker world, I can't figure out if it's coming from the same person, i.e. I send OOOOOOO and then within a few minutes, "YOU DIE" or if it's two or more people, one of which sends "OOOOOOO" and then the other in a fight sends "YOU DIE" who is in a different location completely.
IF it's the same person within the same group, the psychology would simply be, we have to keep you connected to one person in our group, i.e. Morpheus, because he is used to control you later on. It sounds really fucked up because it really happens in real life. I've dealt with it in my own life. YOu have a fight, he screams and yells and calls you a fucking cunt, and then five minutes later, "I love you." d. Wow. d. IN group psychology, I can see this model working.
Everyone knows I don't know shit. d.
The A gives you hugs.
REalLY? Does the A go to the FBI? nO. o
WE're all beyond the FBI now. Forget the FBI. o.
The issue is control, submission, and break down. However long it takes. Whatever it takes. Victim profiling probably said this would be relatively easy. Low income, previous history of mental illness, female, history of mental abuse, etc. Psychopaths don't pick hard people to fuck with. IN that way, they are just as much cowards are everyone else. o.
What are the odds of the girl going through garbage? NOt good.
If you know what you're up against, this is easier to battle than illness like severe, chronic nerve pain. o. Because it is a person or persons who are doing wrong. YOu. CAn be brought to justice. IT is an end. Chronic pain is not an end. It is a forever. That only ends when I end. This has a point in the future that will stop. Judge. Jury. D.C. Something, someone will make it stop. IF I try hard enough. Work hard enough. Make enough noise. NO one has changed the law. NO one can. NO one can ignore it forever. d. nop.
And I am not a threat to National SEcurity. d
I wanted to see the paperwork on that shit. dd That said, "Lacey Simon, we have a warrant to go thorugh your shit. " di
IN those words. d
"I.E. The Fourth Amendment does not apply to you, missy." da
I feel like there is nothing to be gained by doing so but more confusion.
Completely isolating myself from all forms of communication is not the answer either, but I have few options. o.
I've made a lot of mistakes during the past eight months, but I charged through anyway. If you have no sense of where you are going or who even your attacker is, you are going to make mistakes. y. 8.
From the beginning, there was very much a battle over my mind. It is more evident now. I have written about this before, [e, n, i, ooooooo] in earlier entries, the psychological terrorism involved, the phone calls, the emails, the IM conversations, etc. People hitting my car while I"m still in it, people swerving near me while I'm driving, etc.
IN a way, I don't understand the psychology. WE give you hugs, but beat you the next turn. It's abusive cycle, but it's all still anonymous. IN the hacker world, I can't figure out if it's coming from the same person, i.e. I send OOOOOOO and then within a few minutes, "YOU DIE" or if it's two or more people, one of which sends "OOOOOOO" and then the other in a fight sends "YOU DIE" who is in a different location completely.
IF it's the same person within the same group, the psychology would simply be, we have to keep you connected to one person in our group, i.e. Morpheus, because he is used to control you later on. It sounds really fucked up because it really happens in real life. I've dealt with it in my own life. YOu have a fight, he screams and yells and calls you a fucking cunt, and then five minutes later, "I love you." d. Wow. d. IN group psychology, I can see this model working.
Everyone knows I don't know shit. d.
The A gives you hugs.
REalLY? Does the A go to the FBI? nO. o
WE're all beyond the FBI now. Forget the FBI. o.
The issue is control, submission, and break down. However long it takes. Whatever it takes. Victim profiling probably said this would be relatively easy. Low income, previous history of mental illness, female, history of mental abuse, etc. Psychopaths don't pick hard people to fuck with. IN that way, they are just as much cowards are everyone else. o.
What are the odds of the girl going through garbage? NOt good.
If you know what you're up against, this is easier to battle than illness like severe, chronic nerve pain. o. Because it is a person or persons who are doing wrong. YOu. CAn be brought to justice. IT is an end. Chronic pain is not an end. It is a forever. That only ends when I end. This has a point in the future that will stop. Judge. Jury. D.C. Something, someone will make it stop. IF I try hard enough. Work hard enough. Make enough noise. NO one has changed the law. NO one can. NO one can ignore it forever. d. nop.
And I am not a threat to National SEcurity. d
I wanted to see the paperwork on that shit. dd That said, "Lacey Simon, we have a warrant to go thorugh your shit. " di
IN those words. d
"I.E. The Fourth Amendment does not apply to you, missy." da
Saturday, August 6, 2011
FAcebook Posting Never Made
When Lacey's EX calls, he will sound like a tape recording because it's not really him. It's a guy pretending to be him, pretending to be a guy, who is only a guy for Lacey. d. Which is a lot of work considering it's a guy who is pretending to be a guy only for a few days out of the year like a guy pretending to be a guy for vacations. d. d. ONly he's paid, which if you think about that, it's illegal. d. d But I'm sure the government has justified it somehow. dl Don't worry about your tax money . WEll fucking spent. d lOL!!!! d NO .d don't past that. PleSE!!! adI want to though . dlll
The Big Hack Down
ONe of the aliens is trying to figure out how to hack down YouTube.
Lacey only listens to four songs oer and over again. d
Really loud. d
She can't stand it. d
The Black Ehyed Pease and fucking Britney. d
Lacey only listens to four songs oer and over again. d
Really loud. d
She can't stand it. d
The Black Ehyed Pease and fucking Britney. d
The STory without a STory
I have to tell a story with no story to tell. All sides are just a little bad, some, I'm sure, are more bad than others, professionally, unprofessionally, intentionally, unintentionally--
When there's no good to identity with, there's no point in distinguishing between the bad guys. They're just daily changing letters and mixing numbers and just faceless hackers. They're not even anons, as in personas, they're just ghosts, a switched capitalization, a misspelling here and there. They're a trashed email. They're not even an insult because they cannot personalize. d.
YOu have to love to be hated. YOu have to care to hurt someone else, which is why most people look at Antisocial theory wrong.
Antisocials are the most pained people on the planet. YOu can't see it though. But it's there. It's just misdirected, and so buried because it has fired again and again into anger.
You cannot face your assailant in hacking. It is cold and ruthless that way. There is a futility in every emotion you feel; after a while, you gather that if they feel anything at all, it is for the reasons above.
I like the job excuse.
It's our job. WE do our job. We like our job because we're good at it. There's a distance in the attack. A distance in the results. WE're not responsible for the consequences because so-n-so is, literally, like war.
There's no story. The hackers chatter because the chatter makes noise, which is confusion, which is emotional terror, which is break down. a.
Even then, I can't imagine making war on a private citizen, hacking maliciously for personal gain (financial). It's illegal, evne if condoned inside. o.l
j
j
But I try to weave a warped story out of a mess without much success.
When there's no good to identity with, there's no point in distinguishing between the bad guys. They're just daily changing letters and mixing numbers and just faceless hackers. They're not even anons, as in personas, they're just ghosts, a switched capitalization, a misspelling here and there. They're a trashed email. They're not even an insult because they cannot personalize. d.
YOu have to love to be hated. YOu have to care to hurt someone else, which is why most people look at Antisocial theory wrong.
Antisocials are the most pained people on the planet. YOu can't see it though. But it's there. It's just misdirected, and so buried because it has fired again and again into anger.
You cannot face your assailant in hacking. It is cold and ruthless that way. There is a futility in every emotion you feel; after a while, you gather that if they feel anything at all, it is for the reasons above.
I like the job excuse.
It's our job. WE do our job. We like our job because we're good at it. There's a distance in the attack. A distance in the results. WE're not responsible for the consequences because so-n-so is, literally, like war.
There's no story. The hackers chatter because the chatter makes noise, which is confusion, which is emotional terror, which is break down. a.
Even then, I can't imagine making war on a private citizen, hacking maliciously for personal gain (financial). It's illegal, evne if condoned inside. o.l
j
j
But I try to weave a warped story out of a mess without much success.
Red Coats
If you want to torture someone, have everyone deny his/her version of reality.
The hackers are experts at this because they have managed to invade, capture and manipulate people in my personal life, affecting almost everyone.
I have received comments ranging from, "It's not real" to "you're delusional."
One of the worst came from one of my oldest friends, Amara, and it was "YOu thought it was real."
It reminds me of an email from Jack, more language from an anon Ant, "I wish you were real."
You hear it over and over again in conversations through the phone--like systematically trying to wipe out a person's ability to determine reality. To crush a psyche and spawn psychosis.
I wonder if people were bribed, those who did it in person, knowing that others were probably just hacked into through FAcebook IM, etc.
One person who calls you delusional, you brush it off, although it hurts.
A few friends do it, even those who don't know each other, it starts to look like what?
A conspiracy.
Goddamn. 8.
The hackers are experts at this because they have managed to invade, capture and manipulate people in my personal life, affecting almost everyone.
I have received comments ranging from, "It's not real" to "you're delusional."
One of the worst came from one of my oldest friends, Amara, and it was "YOu thought it was real."
It reminds me of an email from Jack, more language from an anon Ant, "I wish you were real."
You hear it over and over again in conversations through the phone--like systematically trying to wipe out a person's ability to determine reality. To crush a psyche and spawn psychosis.
I wonder if people were bribed, those who did it in person, knowing that others were probably just hacked into through FAcebook IM, etc.
One person who calls you delusional, you brush it off, although it hurts.
A few friends do it, even those who don't know each other, it starts to look like what?
A conspiracy.
Goddamn. 8.
Fourth Amendment and Cybercrimes
"A search of data stored on a hard drive should be held to occur whenever that data or
information about that data is exposed to human observation. Any retrieval
of information stored on a computer hard drive, no matter how minor,
should be considered a distinct Fourth Amendment search."
--Dr. Kerr
[emphasis is not the author's]
information about that data is exposed to human observation. Any retrieval
of information stored on a computer hard drive, no matter how minor,
should be considered a distinct Fourth Amendment search."
--Dr. Kerr
[emphasis is not the author's]
"Over two hundred years after the Fourth Amendment was enacted, the
search of a home remains the canonical fact pattern of a Fourth
Amendment search and seizure case."
--Dr. Kerr
search of a home remains the canonical fact pattern of a Fourth
Amendment search and seizure case."
--Dr. Kerr
Friday, August 5, 2011
STeve, I love you. d
"First, hackers are not criminals. I mean, technically, if you’re into a strict reading of the penal code, some of us are."
--Dude! I Hacked the Op-Ed Page! d
I gotta get a cool nickname. Right now, they call me ZEro. d
I think they mock me, but Icna't tell. ddd
"This summer, Facebook hired 21-year-old George Hotz, a k a Geohot, famed for hacking into Sony’s 'unbreakable' PlayStation 3 system."
Hmmmm....Geohot....hmmm....
It's still better than Zero.
Geohot comes by, he says, "Oh fuck. The d..." Runs. d
YOU don't need the D to work Sony.
Cries.
"First, hackers are not criminals. I mean, technically, if you’re into a strict reading of the penal code, some of us are."
--Dude! I Hacked the Op-Ed Page! d
I gotta get a cool nickname. Right now, they call me ZEro. d
I think they mock me, but Icna't tell. ddd
"This summer, Facebook hired 21-year-old George Hotz, a k a Geohot, famed for hacking into Sony’s 'unbreakable' PlayStation 3 system."
Hmmmm....Geohot....hmmm....
It's still better than Zero.
Geohot comes by, he says, "Oh fuck. The d..." Runs. d
YOU don't need the D to work Sony.
Cries.
"For better or worse, said Jonathan L. Zittrain, a Harvard Law School professor, securing the Internet has been largely left to private players — and even government information is increasingly guarded by private companies, whose actions can be difficult to monitor and hold accountable."
--Flaws Exposed, Security Could...
--Flaws Exposed, Security Could...
I can see how it's impossible, if the hacking doesn't clear up, to have and maintain relationships.
Someone is always someone else.
YOu can't start a relationship, keeping those up you have is difficult enough.
What's worse: I don't see the point in having them anymore. IN any form, romantic, friendship, etc. Why/
NO one understands my suspicious nature or what I've recently gone through, much less what I've been through with my dancing and escorting and chronic pain and morphine dependence.
Someone is always someone else.
YOu can't start a relationship, keeping those up you have is difficult enough.
What's worse: I don't see the point in having them anymore. IN any form, romantic, friendship, etc. Why/
NO one understands my suspicious nature or what I've recently gone through, much less what I've been through with my dancing and escorting and chronic pain and morphine dependence.
First Amendment and NO ONe Marching
I'm considering letting them get away with it, the cybercrimes, the breaking and entering, the tampering with the car, all of it, and moving to a different state or even a different country mostly because I'm counting on the large possibility I will not afford my own venture, building my own case against them. By myself, I am lost anyway, and I don't even know where to start finding help.
IN probably 99.9% of all cases, this is exactly what happens. People, low income, just deal with this, and either move or somehow adjust to the interference of the hacking.
ON the other hand, I can't imagine "dealing" with it because it so strongly affects my writing. I care not about my bank account or my car or even of the coming and goings out of the house. All of that seems almost bearable if you like living in the Third Reich. I could stretch my soul and mind to grow accustomed to it, but the writing has to be unfettered.
I cannot write with DDDDDD in the fucking way. I don't know if there's a fucking Supreme Court case about that, but there should be. IF there is some judge somewhere who has sat on the bench, and he will look down and say, "Hmmm...yeah. DDDDD...affecting First Amendment."
My first instinct is to fight anyone who would dare to put up a DDDDDD to man or woman who wants to write, poorly or well. There's a comment section down there, you can add if you care. Otherwise, leave the writer alone. My second instinct to protect others who may be affected by the DDDDDD. MY third is to of course get the fuck out of here. d.
SEE???
WRiting is invaluable. IF you knew more of the story, you would probably understand that writing has put me here in the first place, or at lesat partially. d
Being that I am not surrounded by a family of writers nor friends who write, no one shares this cause with me. I don't have a cheering crowd nor anyone who passes me a card of a civil rights lawyer. They do not value what I value. a.
IF you march off to war, it is helpful if you march with someone else. YOu march alone, you look around and wonder more about why you are marching. That is very cliche. YOu like the fucking DDDDDD? I ask.
NO.
YOU're not fucking marching. d
I did not put that D there.
IN probably 99.9% of all cases, this is exactly what happens. People, low income, just deal with this, and either move or somehow adjust to the interference of the hacking.
ON the other hand, I can't imagine "dealing" with it because it so strongly affects my writing. I care not about my bank account or my car or even of the coming and goings out of the house. All of that seems almost bearable if you like living in the Third Reich. I could stretch my soul and mind to grow accustomed to it, but the writing has to be unfettered.
I cannot write with DDDDDD in the fucking way. I don't know if there's a fucking Supreme Court case about that, but there should be. IF there is some judge somewhere who has sat on the bench, and he will look down and say, "Hmmm...yeah. DDDDD...affecting First Amendment."
My first instinct is to fight anyone who would dare to put up a DDDDDD to man or woman who wants to write, poorly or well. There's a comment section down there, you can add if you care. Otherwise, leave the writer alone. My second instinct to protect others who may be affected by the DDDDDD. MY third is to of course get the fuck out of here. d.
SEE???
WRiting is invaluable. IF you knew more of the story, you would probably understand that writing has put me here in the first place, or at lesat partially. d
Being that I am not surrounded by a family of writers nor friends who write, no one shares this cause with me. I don't have a cheering crowd nor anyone who passes me a card of a civil rights lawyer. They do not value what I value. a.
IF you march off to war, it is helpful if you march with someone else. YOu march alone, you look around and wonder more about why you are marching. That is very cliche. YOu like the fucking DDDDDD? I ask.
NO.
YOU're not fucking marching. d
I did not put that D there.
Nothing Worth Fighting For
HOwling about the injustices of my situation and in the government have gotten me nowhere, and after pushing away every person in my life and after eight months, I'm ready to give up.
[I need d]
I see nothing worth fighting for.
Take the Fourth Amendment, you can in some instances take the First.
The avalanche of reading I would have to do, what would basically amount to becoming a civil rights lawyer, finding a computer expert, conducting my own criminal investigation--is ridiculous. IF I could do all of that, I would be a member of intelligence myself. All of which would be easier--I know--I hate money--but would be easier if I had cash for traveling and expenses.
Because I see something is wrong that everyone condones by allowing to continue.
IF I ignore it, I condone it, I accept it.
LIfe is a wad of "not fair's." I equate this to white collar gang violence, but it wasn't violent to anythying more than my computer, and a little to my car. The psychological war is real and cruel. People don't see it. They don't like what they can't touch or feel, so they don't notice, don't want to deal with it, don't care.
I am unfortunately a forgiving person, and I am looping around forever justifications for people's inability to empathize in times of war. NOt in Afghanistan, not in Iraq, but domestic. HEre. WE're at war here. IF you can't see that, you are not paying attention.
I'm ready to give up on my own country. All states. The US government that I am fighting for. IN this way, I feel like I"m in the fucking military. d.
Life is a big pile of "fuck you's"--you get them from everywhere. Accident's, intentional's. Some people get more than others. ad.
I only pity those who do not pity others.
That's my fuck you.
[I need d]
I see nothing worth fighting for.
Take the Fourth Amendment, you can in some instances take the First.
The avalanche of reading I would have to do, what would basically amount to becoming a civil rights lawyer, finding a computer expert, conducting my own criminal investigation--is ridiculous. IF I could do all of that, I would be a member of intelligence myself. All of which would be easier--I know--I hate money--but would be easier if I had cash for traveling and expenses.
Because I see something is wrong that everyone condones by allowing to continue.
IF I ignore it, I condone it, I accept it.
LIfe is a wad of "not fair's." I equate this to white collar gang violence, but it wasn't violent to anythying more than my computer, and a little to my car. The psychological war is real and cruel. People don't see it. They don't like what they can't touch or feel, so they don't notice, don't want to deal with it, don't care.
I am unfortunately a forgiving person, and I am looping around forever justifications for people's inability to empathize in times of war. NOt in Afghanistan, not in Iraq, but domestic. HEre. WE're at war here. IF you can't see that, you are not paying attention.
I'm ready to give up on my own country. All states. The US government that I am fighting for. IN this way, I feel like I"m in the fucking military. d.
Life is a big pile of "fuck you's"--you get them from everywhere. Accident's, intentional's. Some people get more than others. ad.
I only pity those who do not pity others.
That's my fuck you.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I'm A Liberal And I"m SCared o.c
Today is one of the worst days I've had in, well, a few days. There are a lot of bad days in this mess, and they come and go, and you lose track of the degree of badness. They are meant to be bad. YOu never see it, but now it's clear "people are after" me. "Kill" one of them writes.
I sense even apathy in that. One of them writes it, but doesn't really mean the threat. There's a slow, metallic grind to the machine that is so impersonal, meaningless that you know nothing happens.
The nothingness is the misery due.
For god's sake, at least have hate behind it. NO. They just say to say. Do to do. Because why? Because. One blogger wrote.
If you live, you live. If you die, you die. We all go on, we have our lives.
I sense that I have more control over the situation than I believe.
One of the hackers who I met said, "Welcome to the new world." a
That's because they all made the deal. i didn't. d IN return, I have no money, no job, no car, and nothing of material or financial value. I have no family. a.
Fighting will take years, maybe not even end then. What for? To be alone and buried into a war I ultimately will never win. I will just win battles. Back them off a few paces.
I won't get anywhere at all without real, legal support and insider support, and I have none of that right now. d.n.
I ask myself is it important? One case? Depends. Where it goes. Are we losing our civil rights every day in the fight for National Security? Does the average American think about that? d
Does someone have to remind them? Put it in the news? In the Press? ;
I'm a liberal and I'm scared of my own government. d
I sense even apathy in that. One of them writes it, but doesn't really mean the threat. There's a slow, metallic grind to the machine that is so impersonal, meaningless that you know nothing happens.
The nothingness is the misery due.
For god's sake, at least have hate behind it. NO. They just say to say. Do to do. Because why? Because. One blogger wrote.
If you live, you live. If you die, you die. We all go on, we have our lives.
I sense that I have more control over the situation than I believe.
One of the hackers who I met said, "Welcome to the new world." a
That's because they all made the deal. i didn't. d IN return, I have no money, no job, no car, and nothing of material or financial value. I have no family. a.
Fighting will take years, maybe not even end then. What for? To be alone and buried into a war I ultimately will never win. I will just win battles. Back them off a few paces.
I won't get anywhere at all without real, legal support and insider support, and I have none of that right now. d.n.
I ask myself is it important? One case? Depends. Where it goes. Are we losing our civil rights every day in the fight for National Security? Does the average American think about that? d
Does someone have to remind them? Put it in the news? In the Press? ;
I'm a liberal and I'm scared of my own government. d
"The Fourth Amendment was aimed directly at the abhorred practice of breaking in, ransacking and searching homes and other buildings and seizing people's personal belongings without warrants issued by magistrates. The Amendment deserves, and this Court has given it, a liberal construction in order to protect against warrantless searches of buildings and seizures of tangible personal effects."
--Black, dissenting opinion. Katz v. United States
Framers' perspective.
--Black, dissenting opinion. Katz v. United States
Framers' perspective.
My words are all in vain and empty.
I sounded like my mother, "YOu should be ashamed of yourself...I don't care your circumstance or your job..."
Will I ever be bigger than words? The words have gotten me into trouble the most.
"Don't buy into emotional terrorism," I said to myself after leaving another message. "You can't make people feel guilty." I say more in my own head. I can't motivate an individual in this manner. If I could, I would have four years ago, or maybe three or maybe two.
I'm on my own. If I want my civil rights back, my freedoms back, I have to do it on my own. If he lost his, and doesn't care about them anymore, he's on his own too.
I woke up one morning trapped in a nightmare. There was a plan for this, but I haven't grasped it yet.
I wish I had a friend who cared about these issues too, but no one feels the way I do. I ccan't write like this. YOu take the Fourth, you take the First.r>r>"Wherever a man may be, he is entitled to know that he will remain free from unreasonable searches and seizures. "
--Stewart, J of Supreme Court, Katz v. United States
"I have never asked you in four years for help. Never. d" I say, starting to cry over the hone. I tried that tactic before. IT didn't work then. I can't help but think a smarter person would have either given up on him, or moved on to D.C. or somewhere else in Maryland. Guilt works on normal individuals; people who loved you and liked you and want to help if only because they feel some sense of duty or remorse for treating you bad in the past. They walk a little ways down the path with you--to make them feel better. This is normal. He's not normal.
I realize this all the more, but do it anyway because I have no one else to do it too. I'm trapped in a bad psychology. "I can save the bad, wounded birdy." Looky. The aliens play this to the hilt and have for four fucking years. MOrpheus is either really good at this or really bad--it's the fact that I can't tell that is the beauty in the whole work. He probably doesn't even know himself half of the time. IF he snapped once and turned mean, I could yell psychopath and get it over with, but he's never done it in person. d.
Feigned guilt and real guilt for the good psychopath are so close. d "Lacey, I was just so ..." Tears or fake ones. d.
Me? I love the man. The aliens all know. i.n. And his buddy. d. IF he goes home to a wife, it has to be a weird situation irregardless of the job. i.
I told him I hoped he loved someone. Maybe he treated her better. Maybe his time and energy went into her. And it would make his failings and inaction and inadequacies with me less despicable.
[My writing is a "group project"]
I sounded like my mother, "
Will I ever be bigger than words? The words have gotten me into trouble the most.
"Don't buy into emotional terrorism," I said to myself after leaving another message. "You can't make people feel guilty." I say more in my own head. I can't motivate an individual in this manner. If I could, I would have four years ago, or maybe three or maybe two.
I'm on my own. If I want my civil rights back, my freedoms back, I have to do it on my own. If he lost his, and doesn't care about them anymore, he's on his own too.
I woke up one morning trapped in a nightmare. There was a plan for this, but I haven't grasped it yet.
I wish I had a friend who cared about these issues too, but no one feels the way I do. I ccan't write like this. YOu take the Fourth, you take the First.r>r>"Wherever a man may be, he is entitled to know that he will remain free from unreasonable searches and seizures. "
--Stewart, J of Supreme Court, Katz v. United States
"I have never asked you in four years for help. Never. d" I say, starting to cry over the hone. I tried that tactic before. IT didn't work then. I can't help but think a smarter person would have either given up on him, or moved on to D.C. or somewhere else in Maryland. Guilt works on normal individuals; people who loved you and liked you and want to help if only because they feel some sense of duty or remorse for treating you bad in the past. They walk a little ways down the path with you--to make them feel better. This is normal. He's not normal.
I realize this all the more, but do it anyway because I have no one else to do it too. I'm trapped in a bad psychology. "I can save the bad, wounded birdy." Looky. The aliens play this to the hilt and have for four fucking years. MOrpheus is either really good at this or really bad--it's the fact that I can't tell that is the beauty in the whole work. He probably doesn't even know himself half of the time. IF he snapped once and turned mean, I could yell psychopath and get it over with, but he's never done it in person. d.
Feigned guilt and real guilt for the good psychopath are so close. d "Lacey, I was just so ..." Tears or fake ones. d.
Me? I love the man. The aliens all know. i.n. And his buddy. d. IF he goes home to a wife, it has to be a weird situation irregardless of the job. i.
I told him I hoped he loved someone. Maybe he treated her better. Maybe his time and energy went into her. And it would make his failings and inaction and inadequacies with me less despicable.
[My writing is a "group project"]
Katz v. United STates
"The Government's activities in electronically listening to and recording the petitioner's words violated the privacy upon which he justifiably relied while using the telephone booth, and thus constituted a 'search and seizure' within the meaning of the Fourth Amendment."
--Katz v. United STates; Stewart, J. OPinion of the Court
--Katz v. United STates; Stewart, J. OPinion of the Court
I'm seriously considering going to D.C. to live temporarily in order to get help for my wiretapping case. d
Life here is so miserable there's no one to tell.
There's nothing to leave behind anymore.
Jack's song. d2; [playing in the cafe where I'm sitting]
YOu're in DC, you look over you're like who's that guy in a hat??? ddid
no h
Life here is so miserable there's no one to tell.
There's nothing to leave behind anymore.
Jack's song. d2; [playing in the cafe where I'm sitting]
YOu're in DC, you look over you're like who's that guy in a hat??? ddid
no h
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Anon The Thing
I don't even enjoy the self-pity because loneliness is too great, the enemy too large to be self-aware, to be knowledgeable of its crimes, to have sense. Its just a thing, no feelings, no heart, no lungs, no breath. YOu can't reason with it or even hate it.
So, I don't hate it. IT would be like hating the economy's downward turn or hating hunger. d.
YOu can still do. But don't hate a thing unable to understand the concept of responsibility.
INdividuals do that. Even then, they refuse.
Because they have the anon.
So, I don't hate it. IT would be like hating the economy's downward turn or hating hunger. d.
YOu can still do. But don't hate a thing unable to understand the concept of responsibility.
INdividuals do that. Even then, they refuse.
Because they have the anon.
"His war really isn’t against me. I’m just the collateral damage in his fight against a much less forgiving foe: time, or, maybe more specifically, aging."
--DRiving Concerns: The Sequel
We fight against what we can see.
I know how Dad feels.
--DRiving Concerns: The Sequel
We fight against what we can see.
I know how Dad feels.
Divorcing Jack
"Dad’s been married three times, and the last partnership endured for 38 years. But none of these pairings were really happy, at least not for terribly long, because Dad was, essentially, a bigamist. Sure, at different times he loved his wives, but his one true passion was the road."
--Party to a Divorce
I am happiest chasing Jack.
If only the US government would supply me with Jack's, cars and gasoline, I would be forever happy and never complain about hacked computers, illegal search and seizures. I would be out there, on the road, chasing down the mysterious man in front, the man behind me, traveling, living the reckless fantasy.
--Party to a Divorce
I am happiest chasing Jack.
If only the US government would supply me with Jack's, cars and gasoline, I would be forever happy and never complain about hacked computers, illegal search and seizures. I would be out there, on the road, chasing down the mysterious man in front, the man behind me, traveling, living the reckless fantasy.
The Future a
"You see, one of the hardest things for me to deal with emotionally in this whole process is the fear that, in my father, I’m looking my future in the face."
--Life With Father
I have those thoughts about MOm. h.
"And I find the possibility that he could just be me, aged Hollywood-style, simply terrifying. It makes me want to run, get away to that place of simple, oblivious living that is such a luxury to those who aren’t looking mortality in the face every day."
Every night when I watch her fall asleep. I pray to God/god that I don't end up a goddamn opiate addict in pain. That's my prayer. Or faking one. d
--Life With Father
I have those thoughts about MOm. h.
"And I find the possibility that he could just be me, aged Hollywood-style, simply terrifying. It makes me want to run, get away to that place of simple, oblivious living that is such a luxury to those who aren’t looking mortality in the face every day."
Every night when I watch her fall asleep. I pray to God/god that I don't end up a goddamn opiate addict in pain. That's my prayer. Or faking one. d
Too Late
E.R. with Grandma, and I was there in the chair next to her as she was asleep, and saw one of the other patients wheeling by.
Saw real illness. Real death close.
I TXT-messaged "RAndy" something to that effect. a.
He did not understand my crisis-fueled compassion. Barked at me through the phone. YOu could hear it even though I'm imagining. He was awake, I knew. OR another hacker. THey operate 24/7.
They have no sense of death--senseless to their own grave.
I mean that not in viciousness, but only out of the mortality we all face.
Is it war? Is it TV? Is it power? NO one asks these questions. We don't bother because we only have the time when it's too late.
Saw real illness. Real death close.
I TXT-messaged "RAndy" something to that effect. a.
He did not understand my crisis-fueled compassion. Barked at me through the phone. YOu could hear it even though I'm imagining. He was awake, I knew. OR another hacker. THey operate 24/7.
They have no sense of death--senseless to their own grave.
I mean that not in viciousness, but only out of the mortality we all face.
Is it war? Is it TV? Is it power? NO one asks these questions. We don't bother because we only have the time when it's too late.
I'm Jack's DNE
There is supposed to be this person you trust completely in life.
And then you marry this person, and have babies. d
And if he reads your files on your computer, there was no breach because he knew and if he notices you drooling on the pillow in the middle of the night, he doesn't care. d
This person doesn't exist.
He doesn't find your jokes funny, and he doesn't understand why you shop at Wal-Mart but drink Grey Goose.
The only thing he gets is sex.
All the power in the world right here in cyber technology and he still doesn't exist.
Jack only ever made one good point. That was: I can have awesome sex with anyone, why would I bother with you?
WEll, we alraedy had sex. d But let's say we didnt'. YOu're right. ad
You find another guy, more amazing sex. Maybe this one won't steal your privacy. Maybe he won't crawl into your files. Maybe he will respect your mind. NOt just your body.
The gang bought a really bad deal. Power for no freedom.
They're all in prison. They didn't preach that shit ever, did they? NO.
YOu don't get to the top, and get it all back. NO. d
NO mind is ever unleashed. They are all trapped in hell. d.
And then you marry this person, and have babies. d
And if he reads your files on your computer, there was no breach because he knew and if he notices you drooling on the pillow in the middle of the night, he doesn't care. d
This person doesn't exist.
He doesn't find your jokes funny, and he doesn't understand why you shop at Wal-Mart but drink Grey Goose.
The only thing he gets is sex.
All the power in the world right here in cyber technology and he still doesn't exist.
Jack only ever made one good point. That was: I can have awesome sex with anyone, why would I bother with you?
WEll, we alraedy had sex. d But let's say we didnt'. YOu're right. ad
You find another guy, more amazing sex. Maybe this one won't steal your privacy. Maybe he won't crawl into your files. Maybe he will respect your mind. NOt just your body.
The gang bought a really bad deal. Power for no freedom.
They're all in prison. They didn't preach that shit ever, did they? NO.
YOu don't get to the top, and get it all back. NO. d
NO mind is ever unleashed. They are all trapped in hell. d.
"Troubled" Would Not Be My Word
During several months at the hospital, Mr. Clergeau reportedly assaulted nine staff members, sending a few out on medical leave, a person familiar with his stay there said. “You could feel the rage radiating off him,” another person said.
Both people spoke on the condition of anonymity because they feared repercussions for exposing what had happened.
....
Only then did the program staff learn, through a fax sent anonymously, that Mr. Clergeau had a record of violence, with eight outstanding warrants at that time.
The hospital’s human rights officer filed an internal complaint on behalf of Mr. Allard, which set off a departmental investigation that dragged on without resolution. But Mr. Clergeau was not prosecuted for anything that happened at the hospital. That was partly because the state Department of Mental Health discourages the criminalization of its adolescent patients; staff members did not press assault charges.
--
The NY Times and Troubled Teenager's Path...
“He said, ‘If I’m getting in trouble for nothing, I might as well do something,’ ” Mr. Casaubon, a staff member at the school, said. Then Mr. Clergeau started hurling wooden chairs at his teacher.
--Troubled Teenager's Path to..
Antisocial's line of logic.
--Troubled Teenager's Path to..
Antisocial's line of logic.
i
"In some attacks, the culprits are believed to be professional hackers engaged in disrupting an organization’s operations for the sheer pleasure of it, or seeking revenge."
--Security Firm Identifies Global
Did I mention this morning that I HATE FU
Don't laugh. Serious. dddi
I haven't gone to the point of hating fucking h yet. add
Shut up! dda
What I was going to say: I hate hacking for personal reasons. Yes1 l
--Security Firm Identifies Global
Did I mention this morning that I HATE FU
Don't laugh. Serious. dddi
I haven't gone to the point of hating fucking h yet. add
Shut up! dda
What I was going to say: I hate hacking for personal reasons. Yes1 l
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Social Networking and Cyberwarfare
The Pentagon is developing plans to use social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter as both a resource and a weapon in future conflicts. Its research and development agency is offering $42 million in funding to anyone who can help.
Social media will change the nature of warfare just as surely as the telegraph, the radio and the telephone did, and the Pentagon is fearful of being caught short. Some of its goals were laid out in a document being circulated among potential researchers and is to be presented at a briefing on Tuesday in Arlington, Va., at the offices of the military contractor System Planning Corporation.
--Pentagon Seeks A Few Good Social Networkers
YOU BABY YOU
While conservatives are (as Ronald Reagan put it) terrified at the words, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help you,” liberals are terrified at the words, “I’m from [for example] the cable company and I’m here to help you.”
--The New York Times: You Crazy?
Because the guy from the cable company is actually working for the government undercover, and he's there to spy on the house. d
And the liberal knows it. d
Goddamn liberals. d
ON a much more serious note: Excellent article.
--The New York Times: You Crazy?
Because the guy from the cable company is actually working for the government undercover, and he's there to spy on the house. d
And the liberal knows it. d
Goddamn liberals. d
ON a much more serious note: Excellent article.
THIS ARTICLE WAS FOR YOU BABY
"Any argument requires premises that it assumes and does not prove. We may construct a further argument for an unproven premise, but that argument will itself have unproven premises. That’s why even mathematics, the most thoroughly rational enterprise we have, begins with unproven axioms."
--Are Your Political Opponents..
It just sucks when you're wrong anyway, and then your opponent calls you delusional.
Nevermind. d
--Are Your Political Opponents..
It just sucks when you're wrong anyway, and then your opponent calls you delusional.
Nevermind. d
"You know what they say: Never negotiate with terrorists. It only encourages them."
--Tea Party's War on America by Joe Nocera
I think he means trolls.
--Tea Party's War on America by Joe Nocera
I think he means trolls.
The Fight
“When was the last time anybody said anything about Libya?” said Representative Phil Gingrey, a Republican from Georgia who was elected in 2002. “This is the way it is going to be until the election.”
--Debit Bill Signed, Ending Fractious..
--Debit Bill Signed, Ending Fractious..
ON the surface, our relationship hasn't change.
"I'm losing EVERYTHING FOR YOU!" He says.
But secretly, and not-s0-secretly, he wants me to leave. Not return his calls. Not respond.
In this way, the war ends. For us.
Why I know this? Because he could have opened the truck door, and stopped me.
"Hey, Lace..."
But he didn't. He sat there. d.
You can program a man, but not a heart.
A heart would have chased me down the street.
"I'm losing EVERYTHING FOR YOU!" He says.
But secretly, and not-s0-secretly, he wants me to leave. Not return his calls. Not respond.
In this way, the war ends. For us.
Why I know this? Because he could have opened the truck door, and stopped me.
"Hey, Lace..."
But he didn't. He sat there. d.
You can program a man, but not a heart.
A heart would have chased me down the street.
I wanted him to be in on the joke. LIke it's sharing, see, honey?
BABy! d I loooves you. TTOO! Don't put this shit in my box while I"m pretending to be at work.
K's! d
Why don't you harass [The General] more?
He scares me. dd
Instead, I got schoolteacher Morpheus: "I DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE." D
Cries. d
BABy! d I loooves you. TTOO! Don't put this shit in my box while I"m pretending to be at work.
K's! d
Why don't you harass [The General] more?
He scares me. dd
Instead, I got schoolteacher Morpheus: "I DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE." D
Cries. d
Everyone needs to be genuinely pissed off about something. dd
Forget the hacking, the stalking, the manipulative bullshit. I'm only pissed off that he didn't look at my series of TXT-messages in his box, and say, "That's kind of fucking funny!" And then laugh a little.
"[The General] has two wives?"
He can afford them. Okay. Moving on. d
INstead, he played school teacher. "Lacey, you are out of line. Back in line!!! Lacey!!!! What ARE YOU DOING??"
Cries. d
Forget the hacking, the stalking, the manipulative bullshit. I'm only pissed off that he didn't look at my series of TXT-messages in his box, and say, "That's kind of fucking funny!" And then laugh a little.
"[The General] has two wives?"
He can afford them. Okay. Moving on. d
INstead, he played school teacher. "Lacey, you are out of line. Back in line!!! Lacey!!!! What ARE YOU DOING??"
Cries. d
The love of my life, and he's going to turn into a few phone calls a year.
One of my former friends told me a long time ago that this was better--four years--instead of wasting ten, and he was still doing it with one of his ex-lovers.
Still in my consciousness, do the phone calls matter?
You expending energy on a ghost, a man never there.
A relationship never was.
An idea never put into reality.
A model never made into stone.
This is our story, the heartbreak story, the love story. The full story. You always.
One of my former friends told me a long time ago that this was better--four years--instead of wasting ten, and he was still doing it with one of his ex-lovers.
Still in my consciousness, do the phone calls matter?
You expending energy on a ghost, a man never there.
A relationship never was.
An idea never put into reality.
A model never made into stone.
This is our story, the heartbreak story, the love story. The full story. You always.
Monday, August 1, 2011
"I think we can handle one little girl."
--The Matrix (1999)
I have dedicated myself to a new life of solitude until after I can get this mess cleaned up. d
This is after my proposal was callously thrown away by Morpheus.
I will not communicate with anyone who I do not know in person unless he or she comes from a reliable source (i.e. a major blog and/or newspaper). I will not deal with anon's period until I have the hacking gone.
I told the anon "Rod" to go with me to the DA. d. The He/She/It said,
"I'm not playing your paranoia game girlie..."
I have dedicated myself to a new life of solitude until after I can get this mess cleaned up. d
This is after my proposal was callously thrown away by Morpheus.
I will not communicate with anyone who I do not know in person unless he or she comes from a reliable source (i.e. a major blog and/or newspaper). I will not deal with anon's period until I have the hacking gone.
I told the anon "Rod" to go with me to the DA. d. The He/She/It said,
"I'm not playing your paranoia game girlie..."
What am I doing?
I don't even know.
What am I up against?
I can't even see.
I got some basic, some outline of advice.
Go there. Ask this person. Maybe this. Maybe that. d.
I never went to law school.
I look over these Federal wiretapping cases, "Huh. I think they're talking in circles. Right? That's a round logic. Thingy. d." Dismissed. d
Why can't they just get a dissolution of marriage??
Fuck.
Here. File. Final Judgment. Yay!
I don't even know.
What am I up against?
I can't even see.
I got some basic, some outline of advice.
Go there. Ask this person. Maybe this. Maybe that. d.
I never went to law school.
I look over these Federal wiretapping cases, "Huh. I think they're talking in circles. Right? That's a round logic. Thingy. d." Dismissed. d
Why can't they just get a dissolution of marriage??
Fuck.
Here. File. Final Judgment. Yay!
I Am Jack's Hack
“Warfare is ultimately not a denial of the human capacity for social cooperation, but merely the most destructive expression of it,” the anthropologist Lawrence H. Keeley writes in his book “War Before Civilization” (Oxford, 1996).
--the Sign of An Advancing Society...
Compared with other species, humans are highly cooperative and altruistic, at least toward members of their own group.
--the Sign of An Advancing Society...
Compared with other species, humans are highly cooperative and altruistic, at least toward members of their own group.
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