I don't believe in myself anymore because of this shit that has happened to me over the course of the past nine months. I have to be told what is real or not. I have to be on medications that will later help my brain determine what is real or not. Right now, it is a lonely walk. a. 4. x.

I miss the once-confidence I had in my abilities to rationalize out a picture or a problem. x. I miss the free flowing thoughts that went into writing that have stalled out at the front of my mind, who stiff legged refuse to budge--now I must prod and poke and tease out.

I miss free association and mischief for the sake of stirring up trouble without fearing--god--am I "delusional" for thinking such? d