Making Threats

YOu really don't think it will help happen [going to the FBI]. Or you would do something. YOu think I will suffer and shut up or commit suicide. That's you. YOur deal . Or you think I'm blowing it out of proportion. d I'm sorry for you. All of you. REally. That you have endured more that this looks more. small . But you boviously didn't pay attention to Constitutional Law. And you're prett probably right, probably no one will ever be convicted of anything. ESpecially if it's all cybercrime. Stays that way. But other people would care. IF they knew. So that's my last resort. Press.

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Is there twenty of them? Two of them? One? I liked the theory that I was talking to one guy in China or India, and he was completely emotionally uninvolved. He just sat there, removed on a keyboard, and therefore whenever I made attacks like this, he laughed. Constitution? Are you fucking kidding me? IN the US? Who cares! FBI? HA!

My grandmother talked about how whenever anyone takes away her personal freedoms, she gets pissed off. I thoght about that. Was she under the stress I was under? Would she just not talk about it? Or did she just not have a fucking clue?

People who don't care about themselves, they don't care about other people, about the freedoms of other people. I fruitless keep trying to find an ally where none exists.

I try to find rationale for the development of the Dee. I cannot find one. Now. There is so much interference, hatred at its core, why bother? The person who started it meant to communicate a message. What followed was chaos.

The truth is, you can't go to the FBI with nothing. They know that. I know that. WE keep circling around the same bullshit. YOu can't catch me. BEcause of my lack of resources and skills, I'm not helping myself very well. I have to have someone else (hence early argument of finding an ally). Because of my personality and the stress, I have pissed off good and bad. Morpheus was supposed to be my friend. Port. When you are drowning, and you see no one, there is no sense in screaming his name. Over and over and over again. NO. You want to make one good guy in all the bad guys. This would be your love. But he doesn't call you back.

This is the part of the story where my brain splits. IN pieces. But even if the fire was caused by natural causes or arson, we still want our friend/lover to come to our desperation. I hear you. I know. I can't do anythying about it. I'm sorry. i love you. I will be with you. Now. Quietly. Sit with you. For a wlittle while. Promise. Be back soon. NO. Will. Promise. d

But there's no guy. There wasn't in 2008. YOu can't fuck up twice. YOu get it once. ONce. You miss the burning building once. ONce. You can't call back months later, and then say, "Im' sorry for being me." Twice. NO. NO. NO. NO.

BAck then, in 2008, I figured (I know!) he wouldn't have found out if I had died, for months. If ever. Maybe he would have thought I just quit calling. d. I wanted it like that. We fought. She broke up with me. She quit calling. The end.

There are a lot of hard truths . We don't like to face. I wasn't medicated for my bipolar, but on a lot of opiates and other drugs for hte pain, and severely depressed. I had family issues going on, financial issues going on, and I was starting back to school. I hated my bjo. Too. d. AT the time, I thought the pain was incurable. They told me it was. Forever. Life downhill. The pain on a good day was a 5. That's on a lot of morphine. I didn't want to live like that. Ever. Anymore. NO. MOrpheus was the best thing in it. It's sick, but I'm going to write it. I hated him for that too. BEcause then he has power over me. And he wasn't nice about it. He didn't call oftne. Or write me notes. OR tell me? What? That he loved me. He didnt' comfort me. IN my worst time. He used me for sex. That's it. I was so pathetic. I took it. d. I told himself myself I would forgive him. But I guess.

I never did. Not for that. And that's a big thing. That's a whole year. Then what else I didn;t forgive him for? "the Third Kid." thepsychological torture over that. YOu start adding up things, and you realize you didn't do a very good job at forgiveness. nO.