I miss meals sometimes, not because I'm lacking an appetite but because I'm too tired to fix a meal, I stay in bed, I never go outside, I move from the chair to bedroom. I fight the hacked No/NO/nO system, arguing sometimes with probably only a program.

I don't like driving because I don't want to wreck my mother's truck, which is not fully insured. d

I don't like my friend's or my family's responses which belittles the situation. " I don't think the FBI is gong to fix your problem."

As I wrote in my journal, I learned that some magical force could step into your life, take it over, fuck you over, and then all of your friends and family would sit back and watch and mutely not care while you suffer as you are terrorized by it. Magical force meaning, a force you cannot quite name or place.

People react either with indifference (this honestly is my favorite), anger or they are condescending.

"YOu need help." Psychiatric.

YOu never been inside a fucking hospital. EVer. I need help? YOu don't even know what help looks like.

Ew [Few] people just change the subject to talkin about killing squirrel.s "NO, you can't just zap them with electricity."

"Yse you can! A little fence. For the squirrels."

" NO."

"They would learn. NOt to come into the school." LIke rats.

INstead, my world is smarter. d Smallter.

Sam

Sma?
nO

[Smaller]

I sit in my room, and stare outside. And talk to Hannibal. "Hannibal, what do you think, Surburan, maroon. Government?" He looks out there with me. He watches. "Yes! We think so ," WE see a dump truck. "DHS?" Yes . WE think so. d. Whenever I see them on the road, and we are stopped at the same light. IF they glance my way, I smile and wave. They are good. Good guys.