I blacked out while I was in the hospital during August 20,2008. Sometime between the Glass Room in the ER and into the ICU.

I woke up and realized I was puking my guts up, and I wasn't wearing my clothes. I was in a gown.

That KNight and DAy moment.

[Then, like now, I didn't want him.] HELP is what I wrote.

I just wanted to die. Then, I didn't. a.

I was told, by many, I should have. But I'm young. And I was in so much pain, death was easy.

I was severely suicide again. Even more so. IN December. Just months later.

That day didn't change anything.

Except the subjects I"ve already previously discussed. a.

YOu still want to die. You didn't break a habit.

This "thing" is wearing me out. Chipping away at my strength.

I feed off of fear, at least that's a feeling. I feel ntohing. FI I feel nothing, I have no motivation to continue anyjmore.

Fear at least propells us to action. Go. Do something. Run to someone who will protect you like the FBI> YOu can't just stand there. TAke it. Lya down and take it. NO.