Babies

One of the other themmes, which is all you can look at, repetition, is babies.

Women adn the babgies? OR the men and the babies?

But babies. WE can't have babies. WE want babies. WE have babies, and we don't know who the father is. ETc. But babies.

I took two Wal-Mart box pregnant tests. One in the afternoon. ONe in the morning. Both negative. Hard to tamper with that. I grab one from the back. OF the shelf. Still, when I dialed information later for a different reason for my grandmother, I got "PPPPPPP" over the phone. Suggestion? Yes.

I went into the ER for heavy, heavy uterine bleeding about a week later. Thought I was having a miscarriage. Thanks to "suggestion" self-induced or not. I fucking screamed in the parking lot at all the "RAndy's." I didn't believe the results. If I was pregnant, I was going to be able to tell eventually. ON my own.

It wasn't a miscarriage. The boxes would tell m.e . I was sad anyway. I did not want to be pregnant. I was sad that we ere being manipulated. "WE" as in my grandmother and I. I could tell she d thought I might be.

Babies. It's all about the bbaies. WE want more. WE didn't want the ones we had with the person we had them, but we're not going to fucking say that. shit. NO. That's rude.

I live in that world. REmember?

Getting the box. STaring at the guy who is wearing a hat, who was also in the ER with me when I was there with my grandmother. Who is now in Wal-Mart. We made eye contact briefly.

There is a man with his daughter who is standing next to the pregnancy tests. I say to him, "YOu do not want to be a woman."

He laughs a little .

He's a spy. YOu can tell. All spies. All of them.

I dismissed my "IM' carrying the next super baby" when I didn't gain any weight. a.